Spring

Even though it still gets in the 30's and 40's I have seen small signs that Spring is on the way. Flowers are sprouting up, trees are preparing to bud, and the sun has been shining. All positive signs for me. Spring, Spring, Spring! Sun, sun, sun! The world is waking up and that is exciting.

Memories

            Memories can be very powerful. A day can go from good to bad or vice versa all from a memory. There are times, both good and bad, that I want to remember. As Harry Potter uses the Pensieve to share memories, I use writing to share mine. Memories can help us gain understanding and perspective or simply remind us of days gone by. As I get older I am able to appreciate that.

            In less than a year I’ve lost two extremely important figures in my life. My Dot Dot and Gran Gran. I had always wanted them to be at my wedding, know the man who I had fallen in love with, and be a part of my children’s lives. While that is not to be, I am nevertheless, so grateful for the 26 years of love and support. It’ll last a lifetime. Many of my memories and special times involved them; whether it’s helping Dot Dot reach things on the top shelf or Gran Gran in the garden. These weren’t life-altering things but how they’ve shaped me now is undeniable.

            I’d like to share a memory.

            You turn right at an old country church and keep driving south until water meets you on the right. Though the road is worn and filled with potholes, the outside world has no effect on this place. Wild turkeys roam the countryside and houses are few and far between. Here, there is only pure nature and Gran Gran’s Ford Bronco laden with fishing supplies.

            You have reached Hardaway once you drive over the rolling bars that were once used to keep cattle within the fence. A narrow road mixed with loose rocks and grass leads you from the entrance to the back of the property. Like any good country road it is worn from use. The pond spreads out to the right and a steep embankment is on the left. Horses and cows once roamed there but now it is overgrown and in need of a good bush hogging. As a child, I knew days like this one would be fun filled but I didn’t know how I would later cherish them.

            There were many times when the three of us would load up and make a day of it. One particular day Wilbur, my grandparents’ dog, went with us. We were out in the boat and Dot Dot asked me to get Wilbur some water. She handed me the small silver boiler and I leaned over the side of the boat to secure some water. My memory is hazy as to what happened next but my eyes were wide with horror as I watched the boiler sinking to the depths of Hardaway. In my panic, I told Dot Dot that Wilbur knocked it off. I lied and felt bad about it. I don’t know why I lied about it. I have never told anyone that story.

              Gran Gran parked by the gazebo and the unloading began. It was only an hour drive but I emerged from the back seat and stretched out my arms, greeting the beautiful day that was before me. Once the tackle boxes, poles, and chairs are unloaded I grab my gear and head for the pier. Dot Dot follows me. One must delicately step on the pier and stay towards the middle or else you might unintentionally go for a swim. I sit on the sun-warped beams and Dot Dot sits in her chair. There is a slight breeze coming across the water and the smell of brim is exciting. Hopefully, meaning we might catch a few fish.

            My brother, dad, and grandfather hook the trolling motor to the army green boat that resides in the slanting boathouse. I do not trust that boat. The first bottom rotted out years ago and was replaced by a nailed down piece of plywood. It floats, but for how long? It’s a looming question in my mind. I am quite comfortable on my pier; the martins come and sing their favorite song above my head. Dot Dot and I have a system. She baits my hook and I take the fish off the hook. I have never conquered the heartbreak and fear of ripping a worm in half, followed by piercing it with the hook. I have a soft spot for animals. When I was little, I was allowed to release two worms to a life of freedom. I also tried to release some minnows but it didn’t go well, seeing as I freed them in the front yard. My heart was in the right place though. Dot Dot is an expert at baiting hooks; I really think I am doing her a favor by letting her bait mine as well. She has her washcloth at the ready to wipe her hands clean once the deed is done.

            I’ve never had much use for shoes. Today is no exception. Careful not to step on a nail, I leave the pier in search of sustenance. My bare feet do well on the loose rocks as I walk down the road. There is a spillway that moves excess water from the pond to a rock pit on the other side. You have to cross carefully because algae growth has made it slick and slimy. Countless times I have either straight up fallen or “surfed” across, always fearful of being washed into the rocky ravine.

            The boat is headed back and Dot Dot has decided it’s lunchtime. We share the gazebo with bees that have built their nests within the confines. In walks the three proudest fishermen this town over. We all sit down, say a blessing, and make our own sandwiches. We compare stories and fish as we relax in the shade. Conversation is easy and the occasional silence is comfortable. Gran Gran asks me if I want to take a turn in the boat. “No thanks, I’m good on dry land,” is my reply.

            We each head back to our respective places. I head for the pier. The water is beautiful. It’s not clear but more of a murky brown. The shade of brown where one would think a giant man-eating catfish would live. Just another reason to stay out of the boat. Hours pass and the sun sinks slowly in the west, falling behind the pine trees. The air becomes cooler and I grab my jacket from the car.  

            Dot Dot and Gran Gran have taught me well. I am proud to say that I can assemble a pole; line, hook, cork, sinker. I am also proud to say that I still cannot bait my own hook if said bait is alive. However, I can scale, clean, fillet, and shake the paper bag equally dispersing the cornmeal coating onto the fish. Hardaway has been a part of my life since I can remember. Year after year, some of the memories are similar and some vastly different. Once Frank fell through the pier and into the water, Todd almost caught Gran Gran on fire cooking French fries; I once caught a 5lb bass; a roach flew into Michael’s ear; Aunt Ann with her bandana; and Zachary hooked Mr. Pickett. Every time included family.

            Everything has its place in the Bronco as we ready ourselves to leave. The fish lay in their baskets on top of cardboard. I take one last look around and remember the smells of outdoors and fish. The bullfrogs begin their songs for the night and crickets lend their melody. I climb into the back seat. The ride home is less talkative, as if too many words might ruin the day. I lean my head against the window, close my eyes and feel the last rays of sun on my face. As the fishing poles bounce against the glass and John Michael Montgomery sings about how "Life's a Dance" I look to the front seats and see two people whom I love so dearly.    

Happy Heart Day!

“By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:19-20

            I don’t know about you, but my heart seems pretty crazy. Emotions, desires, thoughts, and even deceit flow through that place. Those things, both good and bad, that I desire or think I deserve course through it.

            Much like the conversation hearts above, my heart tells me random sayings and thoughts that don’t always make sense and my heart can be very fragile. Before taking that picture those little hearts had been through a lot. I carried them around in my purse, a two year old shook the mess out them, and then I dropped them. When I took them out of the box some were broken and others had pieces chipped off. There were not too many left in perfect condition. Life can be like that with our hearts. From relationships to family, school and jobs, or health, we too can become broken and chipped.

            My heart leads me astray, whispers lies, and even condemns me. I love how in verse 20 I am reassured of God’s power. God is greater than my sinful, crazy heart. I don’t have to hide anything, even though I try sometimes, He knows it all. Overwhelming comfort and grace speak to my heart through that verse. As I think about Valentine’s Day I hope that God is refining my heart to continuously hear His gospel, even in the times when my heart seems to be speaking louder.

Day 8: Weddings!

A blushing bride, a dapper groom, and cake. These are the three most important aspects of a wedding, right? It’s debatable, however I do love to see her dress and his reaction to her walk down the aisle and then the delicious dessert that follows is icing on the cake. (Pun intended) Every wedding is so different yet at the end the result is the same; two people have joined their lives together. Last year I read Timothy Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage (I highly recommend it) and really enjoyed it. No, I am not getting married but I enjoy reading a biblical perspective on marriage. As a single person, what I read encouraged and excited me.

“Within this Christian view of marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating and to say I see who God is making you and it excites me! I want to be a part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the word, the gospel.”

I’m always so excited when I get to share in this fun day with friends or family as they embark on the journey that is marriage. 

Day 7: Books

There are so many books in the world. And for that I am thankful. I love to read and be transported to another world crafted from someone’s imagination. There are many books that have struck a chord with me, met me where I was in life, made me miss someone, or opened my eyes to something new. 

“You’ll never know how many times I’ve thought about you and wished I could speak to you. I just never dreamed in a million years that I would never see you again.”

That’s a quote from Fried Green Tomatoes that I had written down in a notebook. Losing someone is never easy and it's hard to put into words. Sometimes it's just an ache that you feel at random times. It may be strange to say but books sometimes help me cope. They make me think and teach me how to find perspective. The books I love most are the ones that use the words to paint a picture of emotion or a scene from life. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever go to a ball at Netherfield but Jane Austen has given me that experience with her wit and words. I’ll never find a wardrobe that transports me to Narnia but I can relate to Lucy. Even something as simple as the Berenstain Bears can take me back to childhood and summer evenings spent chasing lightening bugs and eating watermelon by the pool. I love a good story...

Day 6: Photography

“I walk, I look, I see, I stop, I photograph.” – Leon Levinstein

I remember getting my first camera. I was 12 and it was a 35mm Pentax. I was so excited to attach the camera strap and take that camera with me everywhere. Reading the manual I learned how to load film, what all the buttons did, and how to understand ISO. It wasn’t until I put my eye to the viewfinder that I really discovered the art of photography. A new world opened up before my eyes; one that could be processed through a 4x6 frame.

Day 5: Sweet Messages

Who doesn’t love a sweet message? I can still remember my note passing days in Jr. high School. Slipping messages in lockers, sneaking them behind a teacher’s back, or the bold move of giving it to a friend to give to another friend. Regardless of the recipient, the note must be folded in an amazing way that leaves them wondering how you achieved something of that magnitude. I don’t recall many of the messages providing me with life altering news, although at 14 everything does seem a bit heightened. No, for me, they were random, sometimes quirky conversations between my friends and I; detailing the news of 3^rd period, the newest crush, or overheard news of so and so liking so and so. Today, we’ve moved from paper and pens in every color to text messages, blurbs on a Facebook wall, or perhaps even a subtle picture on Instagram. It doesn’t feel the same but I think the intention has stayed the same. Maybe you don’t have the time to talk on the phone or even the know how to fold an ultra-cool note; maybe they are 2300 miles away. And maybe you just wanted to say hello.

Day 4: Blue Skies

"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, and drink the wild air."              -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ralph was on to something there. Never underestimate the power of blue skies and sunshine. You may be thinking, "This girl lives in Seattle, she never sees the sun." Not true. Today at least, I am soaking in the rays. I may not see it as often as others, but I like to think that means I can better appreciate the warmth it brings. 

Note: this is not the actual blue sky I see today, but rather one I like to remember. 

Day 3: Calendars

Calendars. I'm not exactly sure when my obsession with calendars began but one of my favorite things to do after Christmas is to go to the calendar store and pick out my wall piece. Taking my time, I browse each section, picking up the ones that catch my attention and inspect them further. There is no rhyme or reason to it. One year it may be Georgia O'Keeffe and the next it's outhouses from around the world. Maybe I get one, maybe I get seven. And the joy when the month changes and you can flip the calendar! It's something I look forward to. Three things about calendars.

1. Always wait until after Christmas because you can get them half-priced.

2. If you buy the right ones the pictures do look nice framed.

3. I would never purchase an outhouse calendar, however the ferrets traveling around the world was in my top three this year. 

                                 

Day 2: Randoms

Day 2: Randoms

It happens a lot on weekends or on the occasional day off. During the winter in Seattle it's usually the days the weatherman says there will be sun, even if it is just partly sunny. It is never the same day twice and if you have an amazing day it cannot be recreated or repeated. You marvel in the brilliance of a day where things happened that you didn't expect but you don't let it bother you because you had no expectation, only to be present in the moment. Today has been a day where bus rides turned into ferry rides, our tables were filled with coffee, books, and writing utensils, and multiple people asked if I was from Pittsburgh. Even if you are running to the bus stop and still miss the bus it's never a mistake, only more time to talk. Your tights could be falling down, the sun may never come out, but you may happen upon a beautiful little yarn store or realize that each line in your journal is a line from a book. That's when you realize it's the small details and memories being made that make this random day just that, random.

The Month of Love: Day 1

It's February. I'm sure this is not shocking news for you. However, I love February and since Valentine's Day is in February I am going to write about something or someone that I love each day. 

Day 1

This guy.

This is Koda. He belongs to my brother and they have both had a very hard week. He has been in the hospital since Saturday and today had to have surgery to have a feeding portal put in him. He is fighting a disease and an enlarged esophagus. He is such a sweet puppy and we are hopeful for the best. Please say a prayer for sweet Koda.