Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Small Potatoes

I don't know how many people have the pleasure of watching Small Potatoes on the Disney Channel but if you ever get the chance I highly recommend it. It's about three minutes of the cutest British potatoes you'll ever see. That's right, they have British accents. And they sing.  Adorable! That is all, I just needed to share cute British singing potatoes.


Monday, August 20, 2012

My weakness (one of them)

I was having a nice night. Melissa and I were watching The Sandlot, I moved up a level on Bubble Mania, and my grilled cheese had been delicious. Then, out from under our coffee table a stupidly gigantic and might I add quick spider began racing towards my feet. I do not like spiders, not one bit. I think it goes back to when I was a kid and fished a spider out of the pool. When I went to kill it millions of babies poured out of that thing. Just like Charlotte's Web (one of the few animal movies/book that does not make me weepy). So anyways, this spider comes at me and I can't get away fast enough. We are both yelling and I throw down my phone and run to my room. Melissa yells for a shoe and my first response is "No!" I'm not sure why I said that but I'm also pretty sure I contemplated going into her room and grabbing one of her shoes, again not sure why. Spiders are gross and sneaky. And they are a weakness. Recently I threw down my grapes because there was a spider just hanging out on one.  I don't like spiders. I understand their purpose so I don't kill them or rather get others to kill them unless I'm threatened. And tonight I was. And he died.

This was the scene. Yuck. 

Monday, August 13, 2012

The collective "we"

       I love many things about my Gran Gran but in the  past few months there is one thing that has begun to stand out to me. He tells me "we" sure are proud of you or "we" love you. And I know exactly what he means. Six months could never erase the 65+years that he and Dot Dot spent together. And he is still able to speak for her because he knew her and shared life with her. It's a comforting thought and makes me miss her but also makes me remember her and the love that she  poured into my life for the past 26 years. Because I knew her as well I believe I am allowed to take comfort in that "we" phrase. She told me those things herself and just because she's not here that doesn't diminish the love. 
        In a lot of ways it makes me think about my relationship with Christ. I'm a part of a women's study through The Hallows and we have talked frequently about speaking evidences of grace into one another's life. It is to remind ourselves of the work that the Spirit does and to begin to take notice of it in others lives. There are many things I could say to be uplifting to people and to point out things in their life that might be of encouragement but if I'm not reading the Word or talking to the Lord then it's all for naught. I find it hard to speak about someone or something if you don't really know them and talk to them consistently. And that's the neat part about the collective "we," when I'm in the word I am closer to God's heart and can learn His characteristics and those of the disciples as well. Then, I am able to confidently speak evidences of grace to others and share the collective "we." It's a beautiful thing to see the Lord in everyday life and in that of friends and family.

Monday, August 6, 2012

From Bitterness to Beauty


            I am 26 years old. A few months ago this fact bothered me tremendously. It all started with the idea of singleness being this “gift” of sorts.  My roommate Melissa and I have this joke about people having “the gift” and how you cannot judge them for being single. Take for example Mike Rowe. He’s an attractive, older gentleman who is not married.  It’s easy to say, “There must be something wrong with Mike, he’s not married!” This was my mindset before the idea of  “the gift.” However, when I turned 26 I began to think a little more closely about “the gift.”
            I can’t say I ever imagined myself living in Seattle, working as a nanny, and single at 26.  It never crossed my mind and is not something that, at 16, would’ve sounded ideal to me.  It was never my plan and it led me to doubt God and myself.  I began to wonder what I was doing wrong.  Friends were getting married, having babies, embarking on careers—all good things that I desired, yet at 26 I saw them slipping further away.  Enter bitterness, stage left. 
            It crept in slowly—through Facebook, conversations with married and single people, even with my job.  Little things that would remind me of what I wanted and felt like I was missing.  (This is just a little side note, a fun fact if you will. When talking to a married person if the conversation turns to the topic of singleness, 10 out of 10 times they will say something to the effect of “Enjoy being single, you have nothing holding you back” or “I wish I still had the freedom of being single.” I don’t think they mean this but I also think they don’t know what to say and this becomes the phrase that we hear so often.)  At the end of the day it all felt like a waiting game.  I’m waiting until [insert phrase here.]  I mean married people didn’t even know what to say to me, so what was I to do but keep feeding that bitter feeling.
            Bitterness is not a pretty thing.  It is ugly and brings to light ugly emotions and thoughts that I have.  I began to look down on those who had what I wanted and would do anything to find fault with them.  My relationship with the Lord suffered because I carried my bitterness close to me.  I justified my thinking by saying these are good things that I want, why do I have to wait? It wasn’t that I desired evil or bad things, they were good but my way of pursuit was wrong.  I had allowed these “good” things to become my idols and two words were jumping out at me; want and deserved.  My perfect plan had absorbed my heart and imagination more than God and had become more important to me.  This realization hit me like a ton of bricks and left feeling about an inch tall.  I didn’t even know where to go from there, so I went to the only place I could, to the Lord.  And He taught me a lot about confession.  Many times I did not have the words to say so Hebrews 7:25 was a comfort to me, “Therefore He is always able to save those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to intercede for them.”  Jesus intercedes for me! What comfort when I had no words.  Bitterness doesn’t just go away so easily though.  It was a struggle to free my mind and let go of my hurt and disappointment.  Tim Keller said something that really stuck with me, he said “Repentance without rejoicing leads to despair.” It is important to acknowledge my failings and bring them before the Lord but at the same time to remember what He has done and rejoice in forgiveness.  It’s the gospel in a nutshell.
            This is where my story moves from bitterness to beauty.  When I am reminded of what Christ did the focus is off of me and on Him, where it belongs.  It’s not easy and there are daily struggles but through my journey I have gotten a clearer picture of the gospel.  And that is beautiful.  I am now in the process of writing Mike Rowe an apology letter for doubting his “gift.”